Sunday, December 16, 2012

We Wish You A Merry (insert where appropriate)

December is the time of year when companies stress about whether they are allowed to participate in traditional festive activities. Increasingly it has become more difficult for companies to celebrate religious or cultural festivals for fear of either excluding someone whose culture has been missed or, even worse, including someone who does not wish to be happy or witness the happiness of others.

For this reason the Plankton office has now been equipped with a culturally neutral “festive” room. In this room staff members of different backgrounds and denominations may celebrate their religious (or otherwise) holidays throughout the year when their “festive cycle” occurs. The room is soundproofed to ensure any singing or merriment does not leak into the rest of the building. There are also drawers of Lego™ and an extensive catalogue of instruction booklets which can be used to build a menorah, Christmas tree, statue of Vishnu or any other piece of religious or cultural apparatus that you may require. Please disassemble these before leaving so as not to accidentally indoctrinate future merry-makers.

If you are in your festive cycle please refrain from sharing any kind of “joy” or “spirit” with your fellow workers outside of this room, as this may cause offence to those not in their festive cycle. If you are not in your festive cycle (or do not have one) then please do not participate in the traditions of other cultures. Appropriating the celebrations of a different culture, even through the use of a greeting, is seen as particularly disrespectful. If you want to wish someone “Merry Christmas” please ensure that you can prove you are a Christian.

The following greetings will be acceptable all year round:

  • Hello
  • Enjoy this time of year if it appropriate for you to do so.
  • Happy Plankton

1 comment:

  1. May I add that this document has not been authorised by Plankton's Equity and Diversity committee.