Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A Kraken Good Time

Followers of the office tips may have noticed there has been no update for the past 17 months. This is because Plankton has been in a media blackout since it was first leaked that there may be rumours of a corporate takeover by the multinational Kraken Group. Plankton management can now confirm that those rumours do in fact exist and would like to announce that people have indeed been speculating about the possibility of a takeover.

Plankton would like to assure each and every one of its employees that they are a valued member of the Plankton community for as long as their contract is in place (the exact value of each employee will be known once negotiations with the multinational Kraken group are finalised and a price per head is agreed).

While Kraken has not indicated whether it will sell or support the product that Plankton currently makes, it is important that you continue in your day-to-day tasks until such time as you are told to destroy any and all intellectual property, wipe your hard drives and deny your own existence. Exploit the fact that no-one may ever see your creation to get really imaginative. Think outside the box! Experiment with that design. Use code no-one has ever used before. After all, the skills you gain here will look great on your newly polished LinkedIn profile.

Many of you may wonder if there will be a place for you in Kraken’s titanic org structure. Well, by an amazing coincidence, not only will there be the exact same number of vacancies at Kraken as there are Plankton employees, but they will even match our skills and roles one for one. Everyone will have a position in the new company and there will even be donuts on Fridays. Hooray!

Finally, please note that there will be a quick whip-round later in the week to buy a small gift of encouragement for Plankton’s lawyers and accountants who have a big job ahead of them.