Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Getting There: Train

‘Getting There’ is a series of office tips about your commute into (and more importantly away from) the Plankton offices.

Train travel gives commuters the opportunity to relax. While on the train you can listen to music, read a book or play video games. Of course, many people do all these things while driving, but that takes a special skill. To properly “relax on the tracks” you will need to know how to ignore any workmates who might also catch the same train and who invariably want to talk about work. Simply holding up a sign saying “I get paid to talk to you, and I am not getting paid now” is effective but rude. Instead, from the moment you leave the office look directly down and never ever make eye contact with anyone until you get home.

The downside to catching the train is that you are completely at the whim of the megalomaniacal public transport companies who proudly announce that 84% of their services ran in the last month rather than sheepishly apologise that 16% didn’t due to slightly inclement weather. Trains will also stop for no apparent reason just outside the station and stationmasters will alter the timetable at the last minute just to watch the fat people run to the other platform.

The advantage of the timetable, however, is that it’s something that all company drones seem to understand. If you say to a colleague “I’m sorry I have to go or I’ll miss my train” they will say “OK, you better run”. However if you say “No, I don’t have time to look at the major problem that you could have shown me at any time, but have only just decided to show me at 4:58pm, because I have to drive home to a family that is expecting me” you will get the reply “You’re driving? You can hang around for five minutes.”

And it is never five minutes.


  1. I remember catching the train to and from Melbourne for work, 3 or so hours door to door each day. Sure I read or listened to music, but sleeping was what I did most. Waking up before 6 to catch train at quarter past 6 does that to you.

  2. "Of course, many people do all these things while driving" made me laugh out loud (I refuse to abrieviate).

    I love the train. It's a couple of hours a day that is me time. Read, write, plot world domination. It's all good.

  3. dave, your my new hero. i think we should all make a stand and get rid of LOL and all the rest of these abreviations. not only do you RTA (refuse to abreviate) but you also took the extra time to explain the fact. "but its quicker" i here the twattering masses say. If you had used LOL, not only could you have saved enough time to watch "dancing with the big brother factor chef", but you could have fitted a couple of OMG's and WTF in your comments as well.
    i say no more TLA's

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