Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Since their invention by Thomas Edison in the late 1920s, meetings have been a vital part of the decision making process. Studies have shown that any idea is almost completely ineffectual until it has been workshopped, reviewed, kicked-around, scrummed or in some other way “meetingized”. (Grammatical pedants may believe that this word should be spelt with an s, but this is an American idea and as such deserves the extra excitement that a z can bring).

It is vitally important that you give every meeting the respect that it requires of you. Remember that you do not choose to attend a meeting, a meeting invites you.

The most effective meetings are those where everyone participates. While your meeting effectiveness will be scored (and yes, it will be scored) on your participation; it is the level, and not the quality, of your input that will be judged. What you say doesn’t matter, as long as you say it loudly and with confidence. You will get extra credit if your point is made over the top of someone else’s (this is called meezumping).

Likewise any props you bring or use will be looked upon favourably. Powerpoint presentations, whiteboards and laser pointers are passé, but can be used in a pinch. Preferable modern meeting tools include disposable cutlery, witch's hats and small breeds of dog.

In no time your calendar will be full of meetings and your productivity and creativity will increase exponentially until you will begin to schedule meetings during lunch time and at 4:45. At this point you will become the meeting master, and all whom you invite will look at you with awe and respect beyond measure.

1 comment:

  1. Props? I once went to a meeting I knew was going to be tough and the client was going to be annoyed, wearing a bright yellow hard hat.

    The client laughed. It was still an awful meeting. I should have gone with the propeller hat.