Plankton has recently enlisted the help of a SMEG (Social Media Expert/Guru) to ensure that it keeps its relevance in these new and exciting times.
The first recommendation from the SMEG is that every Plankton employee should be active on a number of different social networks. While this might seem contrary to Plankton’s strict Internet policy (which, like all Plankton policies, has remained proudly unaltered since it was hastily introduced after Tim Berners-Lee flicked the switch on the World Wide Web in 1990) we have been assured that it will provide a number of benefits.
- Disgruntled employees are asked to sign up to Twitter. Not only does Twitter give the impression that people are listening, it also provides just enough space to air minor grievances about Plankton, while actively distracting anyone from Plankton’s much bigger problems.
- Any staff members who regularly meet with clients are encouraged to use Facebook. This will familiarise staff in communicating with people they don’t know or like, and yet feel some kind of obligation to be polite to.
- Programmers and developers should be scouring KickStarter for any startup companies that a) have innovative software ideas and b) look like they can’t afford a legal team.
On top of these recommendations, the SMEG has also suggested that Plankton create its own social media presence. As such you can now follow Rob’s Office Tips on Twitter at @robsofficetips where you will find lots of new helpful hints compressed into 140 characters of easily misconstrued advice as well as a large amount of recycled content from this newsletter.
You can also use this twitter account to ask for help on office etiquette as well as clarification on Plankton policies and procedures. Any complaints should be written in a single tweet and must include the following hashtag:
#IWouldLikeToRegisterAFormalComplaintAboutTheFollowingIssueWhichIHaveFullyDetailedAndDocumentedInThisTweetToTheHumanResourcesManagementTeam
