Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas Party Aftermath

If you look closely at section 7.1.4.5.6.a.iii of your Workplace agreement, you will see that you are duty bound to embarrass yourself at one or more office Christmas parties during your employment. Making a fool of yourself is not hard, and you do not need anyone's tips on how to do that. However, turning up to work the following Monday can be difficult. Here is some advice to help you get through that harrowing work day.

Walk into the office; ostensibly proud of who you are (even if you are not). You are, after all, no different to who you were last week. Then (and this is the cunning part) pull each individual in the company aside, and apologise personally for spilling that drink on them, trying to remove their trousers or swearing loudly in front of their children . If you don't remember what you did, use generic apologies such as "Sorry about what I did there", "I hope you're not upset with me" or "I move that today we honour the Indigenous peoples of this land...".

This way everyone in the office will shift from harbouring a mild disdain for you to feeling a modicum of respect for admitting your faults privately while maintaining your dignity publicly. With any luck you will get an extra present at Kris Kringle time.

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